The Nursery

I bought this cute fairy girl blanket at Heather's blanket party Fri night. It goes well with the butterfly theme in the nursery.

The LORD Himself will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forget you. Deuteronomy 31:8

Today was tougher than any of the other months. I don't know why. We are next and I should be overjoyed. I should be singing and shouting praises in the streets. I should be confident. I should be hopeful. I should not be doubtful. I should have no fear. But today I wonder what next month will bring. Will my dream come true or will I be forced to tell the world that I was wrong. And if the dream comes true how will I tell our story so that others can believe? I wonder but I do not see. I know miracles happen and I believe that it can happen to us - I just don't see why it would. I have been so doubtful and impatient. I have tried to control my life and the choices I make without success. I must let go and let God take control before I can ever achieve the peace I seek.

"I am the LORD your God, who holds your right hand, and I tell you, "Don't be afraid, I will help you." Isaidah 41:13

We are really NEXT this time!

The CCAA has updated their site to show that referrals have been matched up to 28 June. That means there is only a few days ahead of us in line and we should definetly be next. I know I posted that same thing like 2 months ago and I am feeling some hesitation to post this now. I don't doubt that we will be next - I am just having a hard time thinking about what will happen when that call comes. The "What ifs" are getting to me. I just need to TRUST with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. I'm trying really hard to do that but that part of me that needs control over my life and the dreams I hold dear to my heart and giving those up completely is just...really really difficult. I have no control over my life or the number of children that will call me Mom. I know what I want but if it is not God's will then it will not be. I must learn to accept these blessings as they come and not as I would wish them to be.

Time...

I know if I've heard it once, I've heard it a zillion times..."It's all going to happen in God's timing"

Yes, I know if God weren't already there waiting for us on the other side of this enormous mountain I could not have survived this long. My heart keeps telling me to keep going, even when I don't think I can. Each day I survive is a day I'm a little bit stronger. Soon we will be on the other side offering a hand of encouragement to those on this side of the mountain. God is with us on both sides and will help us through each step of the way.

May you be blessed!

What is Faith?

"It is the confident assurance that something we want is going to happen. It is the certainty that what we hope for is waiting for us, even though we cannot see it up ahead. Hebrews 11:1"