Catching Up

It's been a week since I've been able to get much time on the computer so I am behind on a lot. When you work away from home, things just have a way of piling up - laundry, dishes, housework...its all still there and must be done in addition to spending quality time with the kiddos...which always comes first in my book.

Jaiden has been having a tough time with me working. She is doing fine at daycare but comes home and has a meltdown from the moment I put her into the car seat until we get her to sleep each night. I'm not sure what is going on with her but I'm sure she's expressing her anger at my being away all day. She is whiney and tired alot and doesn't sleep well but I'm hoping that this will improve when we get into a routine.
Jared will start going to daycare next week and he is very excited about that. Cody went to stay with cousins for the week and after that is considering seeking summer employment. He needs something to do other than playing video games and chatting online...

We had a garage sale yesterday - it was in the 90s and sunny (which I was enjoying) but the garage was in the sun so it was baking! Not many people were out and there wasn't even a dent made in the amount of stuff we have to get rid of. Guess that is why we usually donate but I thought I'd give it a go since we have lots of very gently and barely used baby items and they are stinkin pricey brand new.

We are thinking of re-landscaping our yard so today we are making a trip to the local Menard's to get bricks. Hubby wants something low profile that he can mow around and not have to edge with the weed eater...I get more yardage for my gardening :) so we are all happy!

The "strawbebbies" are certainly June bearing - they are keeping me hoppin! I need to go pick em' now - a thunderstorm ran me back inside this morning when I went out to check them but it has cleared up now. I am going to attempt to make some freezer jam (MIL recipe) so far I have saved up and frozen two half full gallon sized bags. That's cleaned and capped. Another project I am considering is putting the strawbebbies along the fence and giving up the playhouse location to hubby for building a larger storage facility for his man tools... and them out of our garage. When is the best time for moving them? Fall or spring?

*I am starting to wonder - is Jaiden bipolar? She swings moods so quickly and often that I can not keep up. It makes things very complicated to say the least when she goes from flopping down on the floor screaming to a full throttle belly laugh within seconds. Is there a such thing as baby psychiatrist? She understands our language a lot better than we understand hers and I desperately want to reach her and understand what she is feeling. I'm completely perplexed. Yes, I know I am a moody person myself but even I don't bounce around this much and frankly I am worried. I want her to be happy all the time - is that wrong?

Our week

It has been a very exciting week for us. On Saturday our driveway was finally completed - we now have concrete all the way to the road thanks to Scott and his brother Robb. They did an awesome job and saved us thousands by doing it themselves. We celebrated the achievement with dinner at the Texas roadhouse.

Monday I went to work at my new job and Jaiden went to her first day of daycare. It went much better than I had expected and there were no tears. Jaiden waved bye bye and sent me on my way. I was nervous to start another new job in another new town but it turned out to be a pleasant experience. The folks I work with are great and they made me feel very welcome. I think it will be a great place to work, yet I do miss that feeling of being with family that I had at my last job. I know that will come in time as I get to know everyone but I miss the familiarness of before. Getting to know a new job in a new town is never easy.

Summer finally arrived on Sunday - if only for a moment. We blew up the kiddy pool and let the kids enjoy the water. I had to bring bucket after bucket of boiling water to dump in because the city water is ICE cold! Jaiden was starting to turn blue so I had to take her out within just a few minutes even though the temps was 80 degrees. Mon and Tues were near 90s and then on Tues the rain came and it's been raining the rest of the week. Everyone keeps talking about how bad the mosquitoes are here and I am starting to get very afraid....

The strawberries have begun to ripen this week and we have gathered them every day. yesterday Jaiden was following me around stealing them from the bucket as I picked - just like my brother used to do when we were kids. The kids have really enjoyed the fresh berries from the garden and they certainly are a nice surprise each day to find new ones ready to be picked. I hope eventually to have enough to make up a batch of homeade jam...but with the way Jaiden eats them I may be waiting a while ;)

The saga continues...

This morning at 0600 Jaiden took her blankie and lay down in the hallway and fell asleep. At 9 I put her in her bed to nap and at 0955 I heard one of her toys so I go to check on her - she is sitting at the door playing! I put her back into bed and get her tucked in with her blankie, give kisses (she blows kisses when she goes night night) and slip out quietly. Well she pitches a fit and a few minutes later stops crying but I hear a soft thump, thump so I go to check on her and she is sitting up in her bed bumping her head against the wall. I lay her back down and repeat the tuck in procedure but she starts screaming again. This time she falls asleep within a few minutes and is now sleeping peacefully. She has been on an uninterupted schedule for a while now so I don't understand why she is suddenly fighting naps...is this because she doesn't need a morning nap anymore? She gets grump and rubs her eyes when she hasn't had a nap so I know she is sleepy. Could she be overtired?

Test video

Just trying to see if the video works

So much love!

I feel so loved after reading your comments on the last post! How sweet!

It's been a busy week with family trips and visits. My mom came to Grand Forks all the way from Mena Arkansas the day after we returned from a visit to my hubby's family so it's been a long time since I've had much computer time and when I am on it I've been obsessing over building a new neighborhood on my Sims2 game. With my life being so out of control I needed a "happy place" to go to (details on another blog - this one is for cutie pie) My simulated little world takes my mind off the endless cold here. I am a summer girl and the lack of is driving me bonkers in spite of my life being showered with blessings.

Ok, enough of that - I'll catch up with all the details eventually on my other blog. I created this blog for Jaiden and its dedicated to watching her grow...which she has been doing by leaps and bounds! She is a Daddy's girl, when he comes home she squeals "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" at the top of her lungs and then runs around saying "Daaad, Daaaaaa, and Daddddda" it's soooo cute! While my mom was here, she said "Mammaw" plain as day too. My mom made her some adorable little summer dresses (will try to post some photos of that soon too) it rained most of the week but in between rains we got to get out and plant new flowers. My stepdad and I planted a red peony which I am dedicating to Jaiden. It looks like it is about to bloom - I so hope it doesn't drop the buds from the shock of transplanting. I bought 3 other peonies which I wound up giving to my mother in law because we just didn't have enough room to cart back with us last weekend. It was pretty packed in the SUV with 3 kids, 2 adults and a puppy plus all the goodies I had found while shopping with my SIL and niece. (I was taking advantage of the no sales tax on clothes) since I will be going back to work soon...also another story for the other blog. There will be many tears. I have an interview with a daycare center tommorrow. This will be Jaiden's first time in that kind of place (Gasp) it breaks my heart to even consider it but...that's another long story I'm afraid no one would like to hear.

So can I ask you something my bloggie buddies??? What do you do when a small child has temper tantrums? I've never had to deal with this with my boys - they are very mild tempered. The only times they ever cried as babies was when they were wet or hungry...when this was taken care of they were content and sometimes they were content even when they were wet. With Jaiden I have been initiated into motherhood 101 without a clue to what the world of tantrums was all about. I am afraid that she is going to hurt herself somehow with the fits that she throws. She will be in the midst of a tantrum and I can get her to laugh out loud and then she resumes her blood curtling screaming and thrashing fits. What's a mommy to do? She pulls her hair, scratches herself and kicks and flops around something terrible during these instances. I try to calm her down but she doesn't want to be held or even touched and while leaving her alone to let it pass sometimes works, she usually can scream for a long time - or she can just shut it off like a switch. I'm confused at what to do and how to teach her to express herself without anger. Am I wrong? Is this just part of her that we need to let her express? We are trying to wean her from the night night bottle and this has triggered the latest of the trauma. She doesn't want a sippy cup in its place but I suppose if she did we would have to wean her from that too. I know this is a deep subject but I'd really appreciate any advice on this matter. She is about to go to bed now and I gave her a bottle of water to compromise. We took away her binkie (pacifier) a month or so ago and she had no problems with that but seems to be more attached to the bottle. What do your children sleep with? She has her blankie too - should we just take the bottle away cold turkey? I am such a softie and her tears just breaks my heart even though she can stop them on a dime and start laughing in the midst of a full blown fit. What should I do???

Lots of cuteness here

I've been away so long I almost forgot my login name...sorry about that! We've had family visiting and been very busy this past couple of weeks.

download is pretty slow and I can't figure out how to get it posted directly to the blog but if you go to this link you will see the cutest video of Jaiden ever

Friday Photos

Belated Wishes

I have forgotten something. Something sacred. I am ashamed. I must repent that I have gotten off focus lately and things (me) have not been quite as normal as usual. I am normally very thoughtful and kind. I've been slacking. I normally love to write. That too has lost interest for me. I know I have issues and I'm going to get seen by a professional soon (June 11th) but until then I am trying to muddle through.

My life is so full of blessings that I cannot fathom why I am not bursting with joy every minute of my day. I dug back through some of my past posts and came across this mothers day wish from last year. http://kleinsingermany.blogspot.com/2006/05/tribute-to-special-mother.html

I need to dig deep and come up with something appropriate. This child is more than I could have ever dreamed of. Her beauty comes from within and outshines the sun. Mother's Day is a special day to reflect on all the special women in our lives. Without them where would we be?

This comes on the heels of an argument with my mom on the phone just this morning. She wants me to visit her and is trying to get me to let the kids come stay with her this summer but with gas prices the way they are, it is just too costly to drive that far twice in one summer. My brother is getting married on July 4th and I would like to attend (he lives in the same town). I don't want the kids to stay with her for a month, they are still getting settled here and have not made friends yet - going away is not going to help that. I am being selfish in that I would like my mom to come visit me. She is retired but has a farm, garden etc that takes up all her time. I feel like sometimes I am on the bottom of her priority list.

I hope I do not ever make my children feel second place to any "thing" that may be a part of my life. I love them with all my heart and they are the air that I breathe. I cannot imagine my life without them. Bearing the title of Mommy is the greatest gift life has given to me. I wish that every mother's heart could overflow with the joy of life that children bring.

My wish this year is that every mother that has ever longed for a child will be filled with joy and laughter, a life abundant and overflowing, hope eternal and love everlasting. If your arms are empty, may there be peace in your heart that provides you with fullfillment, knowing that at just the right moment your arms will overflow and your life will be blessed.

For Jaiden's biological mother,

I will never know her address, to send her photos or cards, but somewhere in the small village of Tonggu, deep in the heart of China there is a mother with empty arms. She placed her daughter at the orphanage gate on a cold December day and somehow managed to walk away. I know her heart must have shattered into pieces and I cry to think of the anguish she went through. I wish her to know somehow in her heart the joy that her life has brought to me. She has given such a precious piece of herself to me and I will always treasure her. I wish I had a name to call her, a face to visualize when I pray for her. That's all I know to give in return for what she has given me. Beloved one. May each task be made lighter, each dawn a little brighter and each day a new reminder that she has given the most precious of gift a life. A chance to grow and become all that she was meant to be. This most precious child will always know love, always know comfort and always be a joy to behold. We will watch her grow and know that she is a part of someone we may never meet but will always treasure. May God bless her beyond measure and give her peace and wisdom that her child is growing in His Grace.

Sugar and Spice

Sugar and spice
and everything nice
that's what little girls are made of

Sunshine and rainbows
and ribbons for hair bows
that's what little girls are made of

Tea parties, laces
and baby doll faces
that's what little girls are made of


*Jaiden is deciding which she likes better, the cake mix or the spagetti - she chose both!

Happy Mothers Day!

I am a day late on posting this but yesterday was such a BEAUTIFUL day that it was spent mostly outdoors and I didn't touch the computer all weekend.

First thing, Jared tried out his new kite that he got for his birthday. He looked like a pro in just 5 minutes - I was VERY impressed! Jaiden "helped" me to weed the tulips - big brother took the photo (hair all in the face) The kids and daddy took me to CULVERS for lunch :) and I had a cheeseburger and FROZEN CUSTARD (it is sooooo good!) stopped by a greenhouse and picked out some new flowers for my garden, came home, put the babes down for naps and dad and I went back out - found some pots for my new flowers, came home and got them all settled in. Lovely day!

Thank You

Just wanted to say hi to all my blog buds out there. Thank YOU for all the sweet comments this past week. I really needed the "cyber support" and each one of you holds a special place in my heart. I love hearing from you all and love to read your real life moments too. Life can't always be sunshine and roses and it's the rain that makes us so much stronger and more beautiful on the inside where it counts.

If it takes a lifetime

Child of my heart,
Before I knew you,
someone held your hand
Before I knew you,
someone made you smile
Before I knew you,
someone gave you love
Before I knew you,
someone answered your call
Before I knew you,
someone taught you songs
Before I knew you,
someone taught you dance
Before I knew you,
someone comforted your cries

nine months before I knew you
someone gave you life
someone carried you
someone nurtured you
someone worried for you
someone nourished you
someone dreamed of you
someone gave you a chance

I know this someone is very special to you. I don't ever want to take this person away from your heart. This person is responsible for you being here today and I will always be grateful. I will try to remember this when I see your anger and I feel your pain. I will try to hold this love in my heart that I feel for you every moment until you are ready for it to be yours. I hope that when you need me the most I can be patient, and kind. I hope to be the mother that you deserve. I know it seems we've taken you from this life that was just right. You had it all - a mom, a dad, a sister and maybe even a brother. You have come into our lives and adapted to our strange ways very quickly. You've learned to eat our strange foods, to sleep in our strange beds, to speak our strange language, to smell our strange smells. You have mastered them and made each your own. You are a very strong and brave little girl with a sweet disposition and a loving heart. You make the world around you a happier place to be.

So many changes have come your way in such a short time of just 7 months.

Your birth mother carried you for 9

Your foster mother nurtured you for 9

It is an honor for me to love you and give everything I have to give. I have dreamed of you my entire life and now that you are real, I am overwhelmed. I'm sorry if I get frustrated at times when it seems that we don't see things eye to eye. I know you are missing those things that brought you comfort, although I don't know what they are. I wish I knew what you think at those moments when you are so frustrated and can't tell me your needs. Looking into your soft face while you dream, I can only imagine what your thoughts must be. When you search my eyes upon waking and cry for me to hold you I wonder who you are really looking to find. Will it ever be me that you look for? I can/will/do promise to love you forever and give you all the time you need to adapt to me being your new Mom. I know it will take some time. All my life is yours now and you can trust in me to never go away.

Love You Baby!

Yours Forever,
Mommy

Where's momma?

This post is sad and it really breaks my heart to send this out because so many of you will decide that I am not worthy of this beautiful child but I need to release this somehow.

Jaiden has been able to say "momma" for as long as we have known her (7 months now) she said it when we first met her but seemed to catch herself and stopped. Well today I decided to play a game of "where's momma?" with her just to see what she would do. I said to her "Where's momma?" tapped on my chest and said "momma?" "where's momma?" she looked at me quizzily and did the "i don't know" gesture, with hands uplifted in the air. I said "did momma go bye-bye?" and she walked away looking for her. It just broke me into pieces to watch her walk away. Now she is walking around the house and looking out the window saying "momma".

When I try to get her to come to me she gets angry and throws a fit. I don't know how to get through this right now. I know it will take a long time for us to bond but it has been months and I am nothing to her but a caregiver. she likes me ok when I am giving her what she wants but that quickly changes when I come too close or do something she doesn't like. I wish I knew what she was thinking and feeling right now. Is she unhappy here? does she wish she were still with her foster mom? I know I do things a lot differently and she was very well cared for in her foster home. I wonder if the unconditional love will ever come to be a part of her emotions but right now it doesn't seem like it and I feel like such a failure as a mom. Sure I can make her laugh and smile, she will let anyone do that, but when will she really want me? to hold her and rock her, to cuddle away her tears, to soothe her when she is tired and grumpy, to make her feel safe and secure. How do you know when your adoptive child has bonded? Is there a sign? A look? A word? When she hugs me it is with open arms and hands; she rather lays into my arms. When she kisses - she gives me her forehead or cheek. When I try to hold her - she pushes away if I'm not taking her to her chosen destination. Why doesn't she love me? She is such a sweet child and she likes everyone; but her affection is not bias. I guess that is what adoption is all about; loving someone so completely even when they turn away. This is how God loves us even when we turn away and want nothing to do with his love. And when we turn to this love, we find it has been there all along. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to discover the obvious.

This weeks photos

Can I please have some chocolate with that?

Today has been a very whiney day. It is cold and rainy out so we are all cooped up for the next 3 days alone. Dad took Cody to the Twins/Redsocks game and we are...just hangin.

It's been a kinda rough day. Today Jaiden discovered the toilet paper sometime during the 3 minutes that I must have been making a lunch or taking the puppy pee. She managed to pull nearly the entire roll off and string it around the bathroom and stuff most down the toilet. She was just caught fishing in the toilet last night so I thought she would not be returning to the scene of that crime anytime soon...wrong! The girl has guts - I know she is a smart one and remembers EVERYTHING but she doesn't seem to get that no-no means no and if I've said it a dozen times then its not going to suddenly change if she tries it 13 times. Guess that is just part of being a child but she is a lot more persistant with pushing the same buttons so we tend to have our moments. A large part of her orneryness is teething pain so I try to be patient with her at these times when nothing is making her happy...but when we are both crabby it makes for a really touchy day.

I think we could both use a double decker fudge sundae topped with ooey gooey marshmallow sauce and hunks of chocolate!

When the south wind blows...

it stirs up the sassy. yesterday the wind was blowing from the north, today from the south. the wind is ALWAYS blowing here - my hubby just told me a JOKE OMG soooo funny - hope I don't get my blog deleted if I share it here. I'll try to change the wording a bit...nope can't do it - I chickened out. But if you'd like to hear it let me know and I'll post it somehow.

anyway, today was a nice day out sunny and warm but gosh was the wind ever chilly and yesterday wasn't too bad but the south wind blows cold??? that's weird huh. I think I am windburned. My face feels like I've been through a sandstorm.

anywho, I wanted to post videos of my two sassy girls. See they are cute even when they are sassy :)


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We had just returned from dropping the boys off at school and it was naptime. See what she does when I say "nap nap" but she wasn't interested at all in sleeping once she lay down. Full of sassy today :)

Do you understand Goble-e-Gook???

Jaiden was in a very talkative mood yesterday. She talked in the car on the way to school, she talked at the bank to the tellers, she talked as she eagerly watched the guy changing our oil at Jiffylube, she talked at lunch with daddy and when he introduced us all around his office, she continued to jibber jabber all through the thrift store and had all the ladies smiling at her trying to figure out what she was saying, she kept jabbering all throughout the commissary as we were getting food, it started getting more like annoyed wails when I wouldn't give up the grapes though...and then she fell sound asleep in the car on the way home.

Once home and the groceries were unpacked...she woke up so we went outside to play. It was a very windy day and a bit chilly. Check out the videos and let me know what you think she is saying :) At times it sounded a bit like chickerish (like on Chicken Little) so daddy and I decided that her new nickname will be "Chickawa"


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This is what she says when she's Hungry


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Photo Challenge

For the month of May 3 Dumplings is having a challenge for anyone interested in participating. I've volunteered Jared as my subject of choice for the month of photos since this is his birthday month. He turns 6 on May 9th. Go over to my other blog and check it out! :)

*Jared made a wrench out of his toast - he's got the "tools" in his genes!

Friday Photos

Rotten Milk

How do rid the smell of rotten milk from your auto? It appears daddy found one of Jaiden's bottles in the backseat yesterday...a time bomb just waiting to explode. And boy did it ever! It smells like we hid a body in the trunk...except it's an SUV and we don't have a trunk. Daddy removed the bottle and all remnants of any spilled milk, and I vaccuumed the carpet, sprayed resolve and febreeze until the carpet is soaked and now have all the windows open with it sitting in the sun trying to air out. Please wish us luck on removing the odor or we may have to seek professionals to come in and fumigate.