We are really NEXT this time!

The CCAA has updated their site to show that referrals have been matched up to 28 June. That means there is only a few days ahead of us in line and we should definetly be next. I know I posted that same thing like 2 months ago and I am feeling some hesitation to post this now. I don't doubt that we will be next - I am just having a hard time thinking about what will happen when that call comes. The "What ifs" are getting to me. I just need to TRUST with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. I'm trying really hard to do that but that part of me that needs control over my life and the dreams I hold dear to my heart and giving those up completely is just...really really difficult. I have no control over my life or the number of children that will call me Mom. I know what I want but if it is not God's will then it will not be. I must learn to accept these blessings as they come and not as I would wish them to be.