Friday Photos

Belated Wishes

I have forgotten something. Something sacred. I am ashamed. I must repent that I have gotten off focus lately and things (me) have not been quite as normal as usual. I am normally very thoughtful and kind. I've been slacking. I normally love to write. That too has lost interest for me. I know I have issues and I'm going to get seen by a professional soon (June 11th) but until then I am trying to muddle through.

My life is so full of blessings that I cannot fathom why I am not bursting with joy every minute of my day. I dug back through some of my past posts and came across this mothers day wish from last year. http://kleinsingermany.blogspot.com/2006/05/tribute-to-special-mother.html

I need to dig deep and come up with something appropriate. This child is more than I could have ever dreamed of. Her beauty comes from within and outshines the sun. Mother's Day is a special day to reflect on all the special women in our lives. Without them where would we be?

This comes on the heels of an argument with my mom on the phone just this morning. She wants me to visit her and is trying to get me to let the kids come stay with her this summer but with gas prices the way they are, it is just too costly to drive that far twice in one summer. My brother is getting married on July 4th and I would like to attend (he lives in the same town). I don't want the kids to stay with her for a month, they are still getting settled here and have not made friends yet - going away is not going to help that. I am being selfish in that I would like my mom to come visit me. She is retired but has a farm, garden etc that takes up all her time. I feel like sometimes I am on the bottom of her priority list.

I hope I do not ever make my children feel second place to any "thing" that may be a part of my life. I love them with all my heart and they are the air that I breathe. I cannot imagine my life without them. Bearing the title of Mommy is the greatest gift life has given to me. I wish that every mother's heart could overflow with the joy of life that children bring.

My wish this year is that every mother that has ever longed for a child will be filled with joy and laughter, a life abundant and overflowing, hope eternal and love everlasting. If your arms are empty, may there be peace in your heart that provides you with fullfillment, knowing that at just the right moment your arms will overflow and your life will be blessed.

For Jaiden's biological mother,

I will never know her address, to send her photos or cards, but somewhere in the small village of Tonggu, deep in the heart of China there is a mother with empty arms. She placed her daughter at the orphanage gate on a cold December day and somehow managed to walk away. I know her heart must have shattered into pieces and I cry to think of the anguish she went through. I wish her to know somehow in her heart the joy that her life has brought to me. She has given such a precious piece of herself to me and I will always treasure her. I wish I had a name to call her, a face to visualize when I pray for her. That's all I know to give in return for what she has given me. Beloved one. May each task be made lighter, each dawn a little brighter and each day a new reminder that she has given the most precious of gift a life. A chance to grow and become all that she was meant to be. This most precious child will always know love, always know comfort and always be a joy to behold. We will watch her grow and know that she is a part of someone we may never meet but will always treasure. May God bless her beyond measure and give her peace and wisdom that her child is growing in His Grace.

Sugar and Spice

Sugar and spice
and everything nice
that's what little girls are made of

Sunshine and rainbows
and ribbons for hair bows
that's what little girls are made of

Tea parties, laces
and baby doll faces
that's what little girls are made of


*Jaiden is deciding which she likes better, the cake mix or the spagetti - she chose both!

Happy Mothers Day!

I am a day late on posting this but yesterday was such a BEAUTIFUL day that it was spent mostly outdoors and I didn't touch the computer all weekend.

First thing, Jared tried out his new kite that he got for his birthday. He looked like a pro in just 5 minutes - I was VERY impressed! Jaiden "helped" me to weed the tulips - big brother took the photo (hair all in the face) The kids and daddy took me to CULVERS for lunch :) and I had a cheeseburger and FROZEN CUSTARD (it is sooooo good!) stopped by a greenhouse and picked out some new flowers for my garden, came home, put the babes down for naps and dad and I went back out - found some pots for my new flowers, came home and got them all settled in. Lovely day!

Thank You

Just wanted to say hi to all my blog buds out there. Thank YOU for all the sweet comments this past week. I really needed the "cyber support" and each one of you holds a special place in my heart. I love hearing from you all and love to read your real life moments too. Life can't always be sunshine and roses and it's the rain that makes us so much stronger and more beautiful on the inside where it counts.

If it takes a lifetime

Child of my heart,
Before I knew you,
someone held your hand
Before I knew you,
someone made you smile
Before I knew you,
someone gave you love
Before I knew you,
someone answered your call
Before I knew you,
someone taught you songs
Before I knew you,
someone taught you dance
Before I knew you,
someone comforted your cries

nine months before I knew you
someone gave you life
someone carried you
someone nurtured you
someone worried for you
someone nourished you
someone dreamed of you
someone gave you a chance

I know this someone is very special to you. I don't ever want to take this person away from your heart. This person is responsible for you being here today and I will always be grateful. I will try to remember this when I see your anger and I feel your pain. I will try to hold this love in my heart that I feel for you every moment until you are ready for it to be yours. I hope that when you need me the most I can be patient, and kind. I hope to be the mother that you deserve. I know it seems we've taken you from this life that was just right. You had it all - a mom, a dad, a sister and maybe even a brother. You have come into our lives and adapted to our strange ways very quickly. You've learned to eat our strange foods, to sleep in our strange beds, to speak our strange language, to smell our strange smells. You have mastered them and made each your own. You are a very strong and brave little girl with a sweet disposition and a loving heart. You make the world around you a happier place to be.

So many changes have come your way in such a short time of just 7 months.

Your birth mother carried you for 9

Your foster mother nurtured you for 9

It is an honor for me to love you and give everything I have to give. I have dreamed of you my entire life and now that you are real, I am overwhelmed. I'm sorry if I get frustrated at times when it seems that we don't see things eye to eye. I know you are missing those things that brought you comfort, although I don't know what they are. I wish I knew what you think at those moments when you are so frustrated and can't tell me your needs. Looking into your soft face while you dream, I can only imagine what your thoughts must be. When you search my eyes upon waking and cry for me to hold you I wonder who you are really looking to find. Will it ever be me that you look for? I can/will/do promise to love you forever and give you all the time you need to adapt to me being your new Mom. I know it will take some time. All my life is yours now and you can trust in me to never go away.

Love You Baby!

Yours Forever,
Mommy

Where's momma?

This post is sad and it really breaks my heart to send this out because so many of you will decide that I am not worthy of this beautiful child but I need to release this somehow.

Jaiden has been able to say "momma" for as long as we have known her (7 months now) she said it when we first met her but seemed to catch herself and stopped. Well today I decided to play a game of "where's momma?" with her just to see what she would do. I said to her "Where's momma?" tapped on my chest and said "momma?" "where's momma?" she looked at me quizzily and did the "i don't know" gesture, with hands uplifted in the air. I said "did momma go bye-bye?" and she walked away looking for her. It just broke me into pieces to watch her walk away. Now she is walking around the house and looking out the window saying "momma".

When I try to get her to come to me she gets angry and throws a fit. I don't know how to get through this right now. I know it will take a long time for us to bond but it has been months and I am nothing to her but a caregiver. she likes me ok when I am giving her what she wants but that quickly changes when I come too close or do something she doesn't like. I wish I knew what she was thinking and feeling right now. Is she unhappy here? does she wish she were still with her foster mom? I know I do things a lot differently and she was very well cared for in her foster home. I wonder if the unconditional love will ever come to be a part of her emotions but right now it doesn't seem like it and I feel like such a failure as a mom. Sure I can make her laugh and smile, she will let anyone do that, but when will she really want me? to hold her and rock her, to cuddle away her tears, to soothe her when she is tired and grumpy, to make her feel safe and secure. How do you know when your adoptive child has bonded? Is there a sign? A look? A word? When she hugs me it is with open arms and hands; she rather lays into my arms. When she kisses - she gives me her forehead or cheek. When I try to hold her - she pushes away if I'm not taking her to her chosen destination. Why doesn't she love me? She is such a sweet child and she likes everyone; but her affection is not bias. I guess that is what adoption is all about; loving someone so completely even when they turn away. This is how God loves us even when we turn away and want nothing to do with his love. And when we turn to this love, we find it has been there all along. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to discover the obvious.

This weeks photos

Can I please have some chocolate with that?

Today has been a very whiney day. It is cold and rainy out so we are all cooped up for the next 3 days alone. Dad took Cody to the Twins/Redsocks game and we are...just hangin.

It's been a kinda rough day. Today Jaiden discovered the toilet paper sometime during the 3 minutes that I must have been making a lunch or taking the puppy pee. She managed to pull nearly the entire roll off and string it around the bathroom and stuff most down the toilet. She was just caught fishing in the toilet last night so I thought she would not be returning to the scene of that crime anytime soon...wrong! The girl has guts - I know she is a smart one and remembers EVERYTHING but she doesn't seem to get that no-no means no and if I've said it a dozen times then its not going to suddenly change if she tries it 13 times. Guess that is just part of being a child but she is a lot more persistant with pushing the same buttons so we tend to have our moments. A large part of her orneryness is teething pain so I try to be patient with her at these times when nothing is making her happy...but when we are both crabby it makes for a really touchy day.

I think we could both use a double decker fudge sundae topped with ooey gooey marshmallow sauce and hunks of chocolate!

When the south wind blows...

it stirs up the sassy. yesterday the wind was blowing from the north, today from the south. the wind is ALWAYS blowing here - my hubby just told me a JOKE OMG soooo funny - hope I don't get my blog deleted if I share it here. I'll try to change the wording a bit...nope can't do it - I chickened out. But if you'd like to hear it let me know and I'll post it somehow.

anyway, today was a nice day out sunny and warm but gosh was the wind ever chilly and yesterday wasn't too bad but the south wind blows cold??? that's weird huh. I think I am windburned. My face feels like I've been through a sandstorm.

anywho, I wanted to post videos of my two sassy girls. See they are cute even when they are sassy :)


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We had just returned from dropping the boys off at school and it was naptime. See what she does when I say "nap nap" but she wasn't interested at all in sleeping once she lay down. Full of sassy today :)

Do you understand Goble-e-Gook???

Jaiden was in a very talkative mood yesterday. She talked in the car on the way to school, she talked at the bank to the tellers, she talked as she eagerly watched the guy changing our oil at Jiffylube, she talked at lunch with daddy and when he introduced us all around his office, she continued to jibber jabber all through the thrift store and had all the ladies smiling at her trying to figure out what she was saying, she kept jabbering all throughout the commissary as we were getting food, it started getting more like annoyed wails when I wouldn't give up the grapes though...and then she fell sound asleep in the car on the way home.

Once home and the groceries were unpacked...she woke up so we went outside to play. It was a very windy day and a bit chilly. Check out the videos and let me know what you think she is saying :) At times it sounded a bit like chickerish (like on Chicken Little) so daddy and I decided that her new nickname will be "Chickawa"


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This is what she says when she's Hungry


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